Thursday, June 05, 2008

Quest for Mediocrity

This is going to be my new mantra. No more will I strive to do my best or anything else like that. From now on I'm going to just strive to get by. Whatever the absolute minimum I can do to still eek it out, that's the path I'm going to take. I'm just tired of going the extra mile, going for the gold, and giving it my all. I mean why should I go an extra mile when most people are content to just do the least amount of work they can without getting fired? Doesn't an extra mile put you past your goal? That's just nonsense. And as far as that "going for the gold" thing, what's wrong with just enjoying the friendly competition no matter who wins what award, if any at all? And why should I give it my all when people don't really complain for too long when I just give 76%?. 76 is a C right? Or is it a D? Either way that's passing, right?
Those overachiever nuts are just wierd. They expect you to show up on time, follow the rules, turn in your assignments on time, magnify you calling and actually be productive. What a bunch of zealots. They've lost my support. They're just weird.
Besides my personal quest for mediocrity, from now on I'm going to demand it in others too. If I walk into an Arby's and see a 99% on their last health deparment inspection I'm walking staight outta there, that place is probably run by an overachieving wierdo who makes his employees tuck in their shirts, comb their hair and actually wear the Arby's uniform. The Taco Bell across the street probably only got something in the low 80s, and they use lower grade beef than Arby's. They let their employees wear jeans too. Oh and that artificially processed American cheese stuff they use for the nachos is pretty nasty too. Oh yeah! Mediocrity here I come. "Hey you there in the cut-offs and the bad attitude. I'll have a number one please. And be sure to break the shell at the bottom so all the meat falls out when I pick it up."
What is it with baseball teams having like 30 something players on their roster? They only need nine. Right? You can play the game with nine. Why do they need folks warming up the bench doing nothing. Most of those players could be doing other things so why even make them show up.
I have a 6-month performance review coming up next week. I'm gonna start it off by asking, "What's the least amount of work I can do for you in the next year and still keep my job? I'm not looking to distinguish myself here. I just want to barely get by." He may not take it so well. After all he is my boss and that more than likely puts him in that over-achiever group. I'll let you know how it goes.
As I drive home from work today I'm gonna do my best to weave back and forth in the lane as much as possible, but not enough that the cops think I'm drunk. As long as I'm on that subject what is legally drunk anyway? I need to figure out exactly how many beers I can drink to be just under the legal limit. I think more people need to be riding that line of just barely acceptable behavior.
If anything should go wrong on my little mediocrity experiment I'll just look through the phone book and try to find the guy who just barely passed law school. I need somebody who shares my quest for mediocrity philosophy to represent me.
Now that I think about it, I've been spending far too much time with my family too. That'll have to stop. What do mediocre people do rather than go to pre-K dance recitals, drama club plays, cub scout day camps and serve as scoutmasters? I'm gonna have to break down and get cable. Sports packages. I'm cutting up my library card too. I'm gonna start memorizing sports stats, but not too many. I don't want to stick out as the guy who knows too much about sports.
Whew! I jsut had to stop myself. I almost spell checked this post. No more of that. Now's when I would normally start thinking about writing a concise conclusion to this post. However, mediocre people would probably just stop typing.

(6-10-2008 comments)
Just to clarify; I don't really feel this way. I'm just sick and tired of having to deal with people who really do have this philosophy.)


  1. (((HUGS)))! I'll have a glass of water for you.
    I'm proud of our over achieving doctor who takes really cool photographs, finds heart murmurs, errant erasers in ear canals and is pleasant every time we meet him. I know it seems that many people don't strive for their best, but I would miss what they do and I appreciate what you, and they do!

    Love, Slick! :)

    p.s. I'm padding that brick wall right after I post this because you are going to get permanent brain damage.

  2. that reminds me of a bumper sticker that said "losing faith in humanity one person at a time". at first i thought i agreed but after consideration i realized that every so often im suprised by the people who do try harder, and do consider others thats when my faith in humanity grows. hang in there people notice your efforts!